• Very Real Journalist Who Exists

Local mom eats Fluff by the spoonful, ponders "next act"

Updated: Oct 18, 2021

First of all, Heather Schwartz hated the headline.

"'Next act?' It sounds like I'm middle-aged or something," she complained, licking the tablespoon clean of the last dregs of sticky, white marshmallow creme. "I'm a serious actor here!"

She tossed the spoon into the sink and took a new one from the drawer for a second scoop from the family-sized Fluff tub. "Also, 'local mom'? Sure, it's true, I guess, but it makes me sound so suburban," she added.

When a reporter pointed out that label - "suburban" - was also a good fit, Schwartz shot her a look meant to convey annoyance. But she forgot her condition ("resting happy face") makes it impossible to convey negative emotions facially. As a serious actor, this worried her.

"Yeah, you're right," she capitulated, sighing. She gestured to the Fluff tub. "Dig in."

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